Parenting advice is everywhere, but much of it still speaks around dads rather than to them. Over time, that quiet exclusion can shape how confident, involved, or welcome fathers feel in their own parenting journey.
TL;DR
This article explores why so much parenting advice overlooks dads, and why that matters more than it might seem.
- Most parenting advice is written about dads, not for them
- Language, imagery, and assumptions often centre mums by default
- When dads feel sidelined, many disengage rather than push back
- Inclusion isn’t about taking space away from mums, it’s about making room for dads
This article is for / not for
This article is for:
- Dads who have felt slightly out of place in parenting spaces
- Parents who want both caregivers to feel confident and involved
- Anyone curious about how parenting culture shapes behaviour
This article is not for:
- People looking for parenting instructions or techniques
- Readers expecting a debate about who has it harder
- Anyone wanting to assign blame to mums or professionals
A quiet pattern many dads recognise
Most dads do not set out to step back from parenting spaces.
It often happens gradually.
The antenatal leaflet addressed to mum. The website written as if mum is the only reader. The social post that jokes about dads being helpers rather than parents.
None of these things are dramatic on their own.
But together, they send a message, this isn’t really for you.
Many dads do not argue with that message. They simply absorb it.
Parenting advice often assumes a default parent
This is something I have felt personally.
I have been in a very lucky position. I have been able to attend almost every appointment with my wife, from midwife and scan appointments during pregnancy, right through to school meetings more recently.
Despite being present, I have often felt secondary. I have usually had to be the one to speak up if I wanted to be involved in the conversation at all.
I can understand why this happens. It may not be the norm for both parents to attend. Many professionals are probably not used to having both partners there, and may not feel confident about how to engage the dad.
But the result is the same.
That gap, wanting to be involved but not knowing where you fit, is exactly what Dadinist exists to address.
Much of modern parenting advice and support is still delivered with an assumed reader in mind.
Forms say “mum”. Articles say “you, as a mother”. Classes are scheduled around the idea that one parent will attend.
When dads appear, they are often framed as:
- support rather than responsibility
- optional rather than expected
- less emotionally attuned by default
That framing shapes behaviour, even when no one intends it to.
When dads feel excluded, they rarely complain
This is an important part of the pattern.
Many dads do not challenge parenting spaces that feel mum-centric.
They do not want to appear defensive. They do not want to take attention away from mothers. They do not want to make things awkward.
So instead of pushing back, they quietly step back.
Not because they care less, but because they feel less invited.
Why this matters for families
When one parent feels less confident or less visible, the impact spreads.
- Mums carry more of the mental load
- Dads second-guess their instincts
- Children lose out on fully supported, confident caregiving from both parents
Inclusion is not a zero-sum game.
Making space for dads does not reduce support for mums. It strengthens families as a whole.
A small shift that makes a real difference
Dads do not need parenting advice rewritten only for them.
They need to be clearly included.
Language that says “parents” instead of assuming “mum”. Images that show dads as competent, present caregivers. Advice that expects involvement rather than treating it as a bonus.
These are small changes, but they signal something important.
You belong here too.
Closing thoughts
Most dads want to be involved, confident parents.
When parenting advice makes space for them, visibly and consistently, many step forward naturally.
Sometimes, feeling included is all it takes to stay engaged.
This article is part of our Dadinist series on Babies & Children, which explores modern fatherhood, inclusion, and the everyday realities of parenting from a dad’s perspective.
If you would like to understand the wider philosophy behind Dadinist, you can read more about what Dadinist is and what it stands for on the Dadinist website.
